I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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