I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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