i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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