Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
