oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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