Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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