I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
