You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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