You're my little dorito
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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