Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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