I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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