so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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