my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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