i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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