oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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