Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
