we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
