I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
