no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
