so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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