She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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