Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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