I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
