First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
