there was a trapeze. enough said
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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