I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
