speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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