Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize