I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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