She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
