If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
