He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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