Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You took a bar mat shot.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
