i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
