but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
