I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
