He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
