God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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