Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
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When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
