her vagine was all disorganized.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
