If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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