The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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