Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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