I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
