Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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