Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I need moral support for this bender
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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