By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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