I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
