wanna go halves on a baby?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got inside last night via doggy door
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I just sharted jello shots
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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