i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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