Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
