respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
