So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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