sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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