It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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