just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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