if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
