guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
